When I Fall In Love

When I fall in love,
I want to be
with her
always;

In happiness,
to smile with her,
and be the one
to hug her near.

In sadness,
to cry with her,
and be the one
to dry her tears.

When I fall in love,
I will spend my
every waking
and sleeping
moments
with her

and catch each
moment in its
eternally
lovely
form.

When I fall in love,
I will miss her
the very moment
I say 'goodbye'

and my heart
will yearn for
the very moment
I say ‘hello'.

When I fall in love,
all my old hurts
and pains
will seem
lost and
faded
away

and I will be
strong and
brave
once
again.

When I fall in love,
I want you
to be happy
always, ever

and feel like
the happiest
person
of them
all . . .

Because that's

what I will feel,

when I fall in love,

with you.

Where Is My Lovely One?

With her smile and swing of neck,
back - look as goodbye,
steals the evening joytrail.
Like a plane in the sky,
to holiday, summer away.
A clear blue sky
in the summer evening.

Where does she move and how?
When she goes to someone else
does she move like that too?
or do they see that.

It is a lovely thing to fall,
fall, fall in love.
in love with a girl,
enchanted lips of smiles,
and happy eyes of light,
not even I saw in
Cleopatra this shine.

seven kisses,
for seven days,
of this months meeting,
in her arms, empty and emptied.

seven roses for my love.
Love, a prism of crystal light
a rainbow through a glass
refracting colour light, bright.

Ah my lovely one, .
of seven kisses,
of seven roses,
and will she think of me?

Will she think of me
after the perfume waft has faded,
and I a shuffling slow breathless
and no longer handsome.

Will they be pressed twist pages
where this poem rests,
close to our breast.

For love is not foolish,
nor do roses fade.

My First Love

Youth took its accounting:
My First Love sped past,
Painful and hardening,
As was its task.

My first taste of life,
(And a piece of my soul)
That First Love left me wiser,
But left my heart empty and cold.

I tried to laugh and sing,
Seeming not to mind;
When all the time I was crying,
My heart was breaking inside.

But time is the greatest of healers,
And in time I laughed far better.
Yet, inside my heart was still cold;
I lived my life still bitter.

A second love, a third love,
And finally a fourth.
None seemed to matter,
None had any worth.

And then, at a special party
I finally started to have fun;
For I met a special woman --
She was the special one.

She was quiet and shy,
And didn't say much;
But I sighed at her look,
And I trembled at her touch.

We danced for hours and hours,
Quiet and happy at last;
And my mind went back to another,
Of a place and time long past.

"Is this what the Good Lord intended,
When my First Love left my life?
For this woman I hold in my arms
To one day become my wife?"

And so it came to pass,
And I thank the Lord each hour
For the vastness of his wisdom
And the immensity of his power.

We lived a lot together,
And loved even more;
A child came our way,
Which I thank the Good Lord for.

Now the years have long slipped past,
And things seldom remain the same.
Yet, at times I think of that First Love,
And wonder -- what was her name?

Love At First Sight

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
That's the question I used to ask
Until I laid eyes on you.
How is it possible to feel so much for a
stranger, a passerby?
Love has no limits, no color, no time.
That's when I realized I had fallen in love -
Love at first sight.

“Pretty thing Called L.O.V.E”

“Pretty thing Called L.O.V.E”

it’s so beautiful to feel it

it’s so sweet to taste it

make me fly to the sky

make me insane

will you be my drug

To keep me alive

Yeah be my drug

Please be my drug

You’re way much better than heroine

Fill my empty worlds with your poisonous virus

Then I awake

You’re already thousand miles away

You forget the promises we made

You Left me out all alone

left me lifeless

you watch me bleeding

I thought I lost you

Nothing that I can do but make love to memories

I crossed my heart to die

I wanna overdose on your kiss again

It’s pretty thing called L.O.V.E

“Diary”

“Diary”

Can you keep me this secret

For not telling these to anyone

I have killed her

And I just buried her

This knife shed blood

These eyes shed tears

Can you keep me a secret

For not confiding in someone

That I slayed her

Just me and you

Who knows this beautiful secret

We’re gonna make it safe

We’re gonna take it to our grave

And no one knows about it

It’s not supposed to be like this

I’ll take the blame

But that won’t heal my wounds

Can you keep me this secret

“You are a Liar”

“You are a Liar”

Life is Lies

Lies are Life

You are a Liar

Put me on a betrayal

Left me in a shattered world

I choke you in my every sweet-dream

I laughed at your dead body

Show me your sins

And I’ll confess my sins

I would love nothing more in the world besides you

My love what’s come between you and me

Look me in the eyes

Feel my anger

You are the mistaken

I would have killed you in real

I have killed you in a dream

Love is lies

Lies are love

You are a Liar

Put me on betrayal

“Killing me, It feels good #2”

“Killing me, It feels good #2”

Should I think twice

To commit suicide?

Will they wonder where I’am tonight

I left my diary on my desk

It’d be the last page I wrote

Can’t wait till the sun come in the next morning

Light up my room and find my dead body

I would never coming back

I’ve found a better place to rest my soul

Now I can sing my melody

Inside the grave

Where you just buried my bone

This where I live

This is where I rest in peace

“Killing me, It feels good #1”

“Killing me, It feels good #1”

When there is no one else care

When there is no where else to go

When there is no day to feel alive

When there is no place to belong

Then Slit my wrist it fells so good

Watch it bleed

This time is over

The pain rush to my head

But it feels so good

Who’s take the blame?

For all the s**t that I dug for a years

I take the blame

For all the s**t that I dug for a years

I take the blame

For all tears that I spent day and night

Then Slit my wrist it fells so good

Watch it bleed

This time is over

The pain rush to my head

But it feels so good

“Somebody has read my stupid poems (for the anonymous)”

"Somebody has read my stupid poems (for the anonymous)"

Hi I don't know what's your name
And even I'm not sure you are male or female
but thanks for read my poems
I live in this complicated world
and I'd like to show you my imaginative world
I just like to write
a thoughts that never could be share with
a words that never be confided with
a love letters that never could be unfold
by writing I could share my thoughts
by writing I could speak loud and clear
by writing I could show my unfold-love-letters
Writing give me
A little hope
A little dream
A little angel
to save me

Tonight I Dream, Tomorrow I Live

Ah! Do you dream at night? Is a dream of light or twilight, Of hope or of joy maybe? I describe it as an escape, A way of being happy In a world we can entirely shape. Ah! Did you dream last night? Mystical powers at hand, And energy replenished to the fullest. In fact, you dream to rest And live for a next sunlight. Am I truly right Or you don't understand? Ah! Did you live today? Watching, breathing and tasting The merry life of each day. Every element I'm sensing Has a value to my humble heart. Therefore I will be, for my part, What I am destined to be. Ah! Will you live tomorrow? Know that there is always a way Leading through our destiny. See it, feel it you may Staying on it won't be easy. So, take my hand and follow.

“Another night (I’m all alone)”

“Another night (I’m all alone)”

I lay my head upon my pillow

Staring at the empty wall

I think I had a lot of friends

But they never ever would call

It would be another night

That I’d spend my time alone in my bed room

All I can see is the sky full of sparkling stars

And I can see the moon lit up my little room through the window

She knows about this loneliness

She knows about this emptiness

Then she smile at me

Try not to make me feel blue

I guess it’s just like another night

Another night I’m all alone

"Emily : the Strange"

"Emily : The Stange"

Emily you're so weird to me
They all laughed at your dress
They all make fun of your glasses
but I could not stop looking at your eyes
your eyes could take me to the place I never been
all boys never like you much
neither the girls in the class
but I wish could take you home after school
though they will think I'm a such a fool
I wrote many poems for you before I go to sleeep
I kept it in my love letters
it never unfold
like the hidden words I never said to you
that
I-LOVE-YOU

Sadness

Am I to be happy? I dwell so deep within myself that I have never seen the light of day. The past never happened, the future will never come, and the present isn't real. Depression is a part of everyday life. The birds chirp for someone else, The day warms the lives of everyone, but me. Happiness lies near, but my mind won't let my heart reach for it, and happiness never knew. I live in a prison, solitary confinement. Fear is my guard. Nothing stops happiness from reaching me, only me from it. I am sure that if I can ever grasp it that the barrier will be forever shattered. How do you break through invisible bars? What is it like to touch something you've never had? I am confined to myself, Just me and my sadness.

"suicide poem"

Suicide Poem, A Sonnet

Was I bewitched so by the thin red line To notice not that time released its hold And let pale Iris snip the silver twine To steal sweet youth before it turned to gold. Existence now is not what I was told; No seraphim and harps to grace my ear, Just silence, painful silence, and the cold Discomfort of my masochistic fear, So icy cold, yet somehow seems to sear My soul until the ache's too much to bare, As mortal life mirages now appear: Intangible are they; away they tear. Mistake, it was; the curtain fell too soon When razor's edge did charm me like the moon.

Failure

To try and try and yet come up short, to hang my head while giving report, not able to make anything right, turns brightest day to darkest night. Amidst thoughts of strength to find myself weak brings a gut-wrenching pain of which my heart cannot speak. Failure has never been part of my plan. I curse times I don’t, when I know that I can. My standard, my goal, my hope is perfection, yet I am met with regret, rebuke and rejection. Failure is a companion I have grown to despise, its taunts and its laughs are not found in your eyes. In you I can see love, understanding and more. You think me a winner regardless life’s score. When I’ve nearly given up, drowning in failure, you life my life, my sight, my plight to the Savior. A loving like yours in this life is most glorious, although I’m imperfect with you and Christ I’m victorious.

Despair

If only the world could see what I feel then, would the world, know who I am I've loved, lost and feared the world for it is sometimes too much to bare Control, power, is what I fear for I am weak inside and full of pain I shout and cry, but knowing there is nobody there to hear me I swallow the shame and anger that lies beneath me I am lost to reality and living in time Though I am struggling through life and all that it offers, I am only human and that is what makes me . . . Me. Still, I wish for the happiness and pleasure that I have earned, but realize that, I have not yet overcome the world's greatest challenge Love! and how to accept it - I am ready to face my fears

Pain Of The Night Watch as this tear falls into empty space See it fall into life's nameless place Can you see the sparkle as it catches the light That sparkle once was happiness that is no longer in sight As it falls watch it, its color has changed From blue to bright red, it has a wide range There it goes all alone, it continues to fall With it, it takes the emotion, the emotion of all Wait, can you hear it? A sob has broke free Has shook the lungs cold, but yet it continues to be Here it comes, a force has been built between the eye A wall of shear water, it's now time to cry A shudder, a scream, darkness envelops your soul The darkness of the night has taken its toll

Losing

losing all I can see. nothing remains. dripping slowly away the tides recede and I stand alone. I look down from the precipice that is my life and wonder where the tides go. will they return to fill my gaping soul? or will the waters dry to flow no more and leave me standing and breathless? all I can do is wait. watching from my precipice, all I can do is wonder.

And Yet I Die

I see the stars sparkling so bright, Within the moon kissed sky. I hear the lark so sweetly sing, Amidst the morning dawn. I smell the flower full in bloom, And see their royal pomp. And yet some place so deep within, I'm shrouded and I'm closed. The brilliance there I can't see, In mists of misery. Enshrined inside, unable thus, To touch the warmth without. I gaze upon this passion spent, And yet . . . Inside I die.

"The Loser"

"The Loser"

They say that I’m a loser
And perhaps that may be true
Since I don’t have a lot of friends
And my interests are but few
I’m not a worldly person
Well versed in social graces
So I prefer to stay at home
Than go to public places
I don’t go out to parties
Or places where you dance
And I haven’t had a date in years
Afraid to take a chance
People always make me nervous
Because I’m rather shy
Lacking in the confidence
To be a stand up guy
I’m not a very clever man
Nor can I tell a joke
I’m neither tall or handsome
And I always am flat broke
I have no sense of humor
Or talent to create
Is it any wonder then
That I don’t have a mate
In spite of all that I am not
I never get depressed
For I’ve accepted who I am
Being second best
They say that I’m a loser
And perhaps that may be true
But if I had to change my life
I’d wind up being you

"If You Had A Bad Time"

"If You Had A Bad Time"

If you had a bad time
At one of my parties
Well I wouldn't expect to be seeing you soon and that's fine

You have to know what and why
Those things make you happy
You have to know that a second guess ain't worth the try

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
I don't know, no big deal gotta go

If you're up to your ears
In blood, sweat and wasted years
I'm hoping you're going to open your throat
And just scream

You have to know who and why
Which ones miss you when you die
You have to know that a second guess ain't worth the salt in your eyes

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
No big deal

It just sits on my shoulders you're breaking my neck
We get crazy with age now you're under my bed
And it's dark all the time, all the time

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
I don't know, no big deal here I go.
If you had a bad time
At one of my parties
Well I wouldn't expect to be seeing you soon and that's fine

You have to know what and why
Those things make you happy
You have to know that a second guess ain't worth the try

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
I don't know, no big deal gotta go

If you're up to your ears
In blood, sweat and wasted years
I'm hoping you're going to open your throat
And just scream

You have to know who and why
Which ones miss you when you die
You have to know that a second guess ain't worth the salt in your eyes

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
No big deal

It just sits on my shoulders you're breaking my neck
We get crazy with age now you're under my bed
And it's dark all the time, all the time

Just some words of advice
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
I don't know, no big deal here I go.

"This Could Be Love"

"This Could Be Love"

I've got a book of matches
I've got a can of kerosene
I've got some bad ideas involving you and me
I don't blame you for walking away
I touched myself had thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days

And I found you tongue-tied in my twisted little brain
You couldn't crack a smile
I didn't catch your name
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
In four short steps we can erase this

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop off at Edgebrook Creek and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one

I'm like a broken record
I've got a needle scratching me
It injects the poison of alcohol I.V.
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
I swear to God it's not contagious

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Lake Michigan and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one

This could be love - love for fire
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love for fire forevermore

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Berkeley Marina and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
One by one

"Why Doesn't Anybody Like Me?"

"Why Doesn't Anybody Like Me?"

Maybe you don't understand it, what keeps them awake at night
What goes through their little minds when you turn off the light?
Always having to say sorry tears are stained on the pillow
Like the light of the moon they can't be one
Can't exist without the son

Let's think clearly for a while
Can he shine without a smile?

Why am I alone with no one to be found?
Looks like they know what's best for me
Why doesn't anybody like me, I don't understand?
Guess I'll have to crawl inside and I don't know why
I'm sitting by myself, when the problem isn't mine

Been around the block a few times, been beat up by all his friends
Learing life is like a maze that never seems to end
Like an open book, blank pages left for only him to write
Life is short this chapter takes so long
Can't tell the right from the wrong

It's so hard for you to place
An expression on his face

Why am I alone with no one to be found?
Looks like they know what's best for me
Why doesn't anybody like me, I don't understand?
Guess I'll have to crawl inside and I don't know why
I'm sitting by myself, when the problem isn't mine

Why doesn't anybody like me, I don't understand
Why my friends and family left me
At six years old he won't be taught a meaning to this mess
He'll just have to take a guess, and make his own plan
And we'll never see the child that was forced to be a man

"Night comes for me throughout the day"

"Night comes for me throughout the day"

Night comes for me throughout the day
and closes my external doors
I know that I'm in for more
unhappiness and yet I stay

The pain of missing you is less
Than that of missing thoughts of you
And so I'd rather suffer through
This torture than face emptiness

You are the light
that gets me through this awful night
yet bring the darkness everywher I go

“I missed The Little Things That Makes My Life Was So Great”

“I missed The Little Things That Makes My Life Was So Great”

It’s so cold out here tonight

And I miss your scent

I loved all the things you do to me

All I see is your picture come cross my mind

The first time in my life with you was so great

It’s so beautiful that makes me want to cry

This moment

Is really ends?

This moment

Is really had passed me by?

Please don’t go away

I hope that it would stay

Just give me one more time to experience it once again

Waking up then realized that it was just a little dream

I looked around but you will never there

Where is the best feelings I ever had?

Where is the happiness inside?

I missed the Little things that makes my life was so great

“So Nervous”

“So Nervous”

why can’t you read me through these eyes?
I hide behind these words
and it won’t coming out
I wish I kept them behind my tongue
I hide behind my craziest dreams
and It won’t ever come true

all the ways you make my stomach turn
makes me couldn’t finish my breakfast

I wish I kept them inside my mind
like I hide behind these words

I’m So nervous

When you’re smiling at me

Laughing at me

Holding me

I’m so nervous

“ A side Effect of Heroine”

“ a side Effect of Heroine”

You’re so good to me

Now I’m in then I can’t get out

And I want to do it again and again

Without you my face is so numb

Can’t stop thinkin’ about you

My paths is so blur

I’m lost in this disillusioned world

It leads me to the wrong way

You’re so fucking addictive to me

Please release me from your spell

Before I die and go to hell

And get reunited with Lucifer

While my ship is sinking

You’ll be happy to watch it

When my world is broken apart

You’ll be happy to leave it

While my heart was torn apart

You’ll be so happy about it

till it ends…

till it’s over…

till it’s too late…

it’s a side effect of Heroine

"punk rock girl"

punk rock girl

I met a new girl in a school
she's so cute and she's so cool
she's dressed to kill and she's punk rocker
that's why i'd fallen in love wih her

she plays guitar with her band
she always wears tie and wrist-band
she hang-outs with all her cool friends
somebody please tell me what's her name?

punk rock girl
she is my lovely cutie girl
hope tomorrow she will rock my world
hope tomorrow we'll build together our own world

note: I tried to imagine a scene in a school, there was a girl,dressed up like she's punk-rocker and dont give a damn to anything she didn't like, she is wearing tie,cute and lovely, actually this song got more inspired by avril lavigne. coz i'm a huge fans of her!!

"my angel's song"

my angel's song

she looks like an angel
flies with her beautiful wings
she takes me to the place
where no one else can trace

show me where do you live?
please take me away from here

think of you
dream of you
fly with you and breath with you
stay with you
live with you
and i will pray for you

think of me
dream of me
fly with me and breath with me
stay with me live with me
and will you pray for me?

she left her broken wings
she couldn't fly no more
so we were walking down
trying to find a better place

tonight would you come in to my dream?
please dont keep me waiting
cause you're such a beautiful thing

note : this song inspired by a beautiful girl in my college, she just looked like an angel to me. and this song quite much more different to other songs i've wrote. this song kind an emo to me. and it shows about a maturity of a boy who get crush on with a girl

kangen masa2 SMU dulu

kring!!!!!!!! tanda bel jam pelajaran telah usai di suatu sekolah swasta katolik bertaraf kelurahan, SMU St bellarminus II di wilayah bekasi... gw liat jam menunjukkan pukul 01:30, badan capek,letih lelah, lesu , otak menyusut, mata merah, itulah gejala sehabis jam pelajaran selesai yang selalu gw alamin, apalagi klo jam pelajaran terakhir adalah matematika,fisika, dan kimia yang bisa bikin otak meleleh seperti ice cone yang luber, atau nasi yang jadi bubur. namun setelah itu gw bersama2 teman2 baik gw, jalan menusuri gang nan sempit dan penuh kebon pisang serta para pemalak yang siap memalak kita!!! namun bila hal itu tidak terjadi pertanda dewi fortuna masih berpihak pada kami. diri ku berjalan bersama teman2 ku yang lain yang berjumlah 6 hingga 7 orang. kita melucu, nge-joke, sepanjang perjalanan utk melepaskan kepenatan kami, sampai di jati-agung sambil menunggu angkot s-02, kami berbicara mengenai hal2 yang kami sukai yaitu band favorite kami, lagu favorite kami, guru favorite kami dan cewek favorite kami, blink-182, green-day,simple plan, dan sum-41 adalah beberapa band yang sering kami bahas sebagai topik, dalam perjalanan pulang sekolah, kami membahas itu karena kami tidak bisa membahas masalah yang lain, kami ndak mungkin membahas masalah matematika,fisika,kima, kenapa?? karena menurut hikmat kami mata pelajaran tersebut terlalu bermasalah utk di permasalahkan..cuuuappeee decchhh....kadang kita nge-band untuk menunjukkan kreatifitas kami (halah!!!) walau tidak pernah menang ikut pensi jaman itu, tapi satu hal yang gw kangen sama masa2 SMU gw adalah hal2 ketika kebersamaan dengan teman2 gw yang sekarang mungkin sudah susah utk dilakukan kembali mengingat kesibukkan masing2. gw juga kangen sama suasana sekolah gw yang adem...sepi...deket kuburan...banyak penampakan..dan cerita2 gak penting lainnya.. 4 years has passed me by..and i missed you so much..

the 1st time i made my blog

hari ini gw resmi bikin blog gw sendiri, gw bikin karena untuk nyalurin hobi gw yang doyan curhat lewat buku harian, and write down all experince that happened in my life... sekarang gw nyoba nerusin hobi gw itu lewat blog...so welcome 2 my life!!